Dan Savage has more today on what is rape... highlight:

I get letters every day from people pressuring strangers, personal trainers, boyfriends, girlfriends, and yappy little dogs for sex. Shall we lock them all up? No, of course not. Because what determines whether a person who is pressuring someone for sex is "moral," much less a rapist, is how they react when they hear "no." Do they take "no" for an answer and drop it? Then they're moral, pressure or no pressure. Do they sulk and pout and resort to emotional blackmail? Then they're jerks. Do they fuck the person they were pressuring for sex anyway? Then they're rapists.

It's always struck me that one would get farther by telling people they shouldn't be jerks, showing that there's an important gap in communication, and pointing out how many time people have sex and someone involved doesn't really want to, then by calling lots of people rapists which seems to me only results in defensiveness and weekening the term.