Frankly, I wouldn't mind being someone else's Keira Knightley. This whole debate makes more sense if you know, among other things, that Keira Knightley is the Pirates of the Caribbean star who got her start, as this blog noted some months ago, as the "decoy queen" to Natalie Portman in The Phantom Menace. Now, I am, or was, quite the Natalie Portman fan at one time, long before I actually began to pass her in the hallway on my way to Introductory Latin Prose Composition. However, at this point in history, I would make the shocking argument that Keira Knightley is actually better than Natalie Portman. My arguments:

1. Better breakthrough role. You could make arguments for Pirates of the Caribbean versus The Phantom Menance, but more importantly, Keira Knightley was allowed to be funny, sexy, and altogether luscious in that role, whereas Natalie Portman was allowed to pose stiffly in Kabuki makeup and make goo-goo eyes at a little boy.

2. Better last name. "Keira Knightley" is much more sprightly and vivacious-sounding. As for Natalie's real last name...well, let's just say that I don't feel like being sued, so never mind.

3. More attractive. I believe that Keira Knightley's eyes are about a millimeter further apart...and that millimeter makes all the difference.

4. Finally, Keira Knightley never snubbed Alec at the Signet. Sigh.