An exchange from last night (edited slightly):

Them: You're from Minnesota? I love "A Prairie Home Companion!"

Me: Yeah, me too. I saw Garrison Keillor speak at our Phi Beta Kappa ceremony, and he was awesome.

Them: Yeah, I got Phi Beta Kappa too.

Me: No no, it was my junior year, and--

Them: Ooh, aren't you special, you got Phi Beta Kappa as a junior.

Me: No no, there are two separate events, the induction and the speaker, and you don't have to be Phi Beta Kappa to watch the speaker.

Them: Oh, so you didn't get it as a junior. That makes me feel better.

Me: Well actually I did. But that's not the point!

Them: (Asshole.)

The moral: if you ever feel like telling someone you saw Garrison Keillor speak, say that he spoke "during Commencement week."