A few reasons why I'm thinking about moving to Malta:

1. Official language: English. (Along with Maltese, which is one of the coolest, weirdest languages on earth.)
2. Incredibly gorgeous landscape. Lots of castles, cathedrals, museums, and historic sites.
3. Pleasant Mediterranean climate, hot summers, rainy winters. Nice beaches.
4. There's been some speculation that Malta will become the next big hedge fund haven, right up there with Ireland and the Cayman Islands. I could probably get a job there.
5. Incredible real estate. Based on a random search of properties to rent, I could rent an entire villa near the shore for what I'm currently paying for my crummy apartment.
6. Italy is only a hop across the pond.
7. Oh, and the girls are presumably olive-skinned Italianesque beauties, although I haven't done too much research on this point.

On the downside, I've been told that it's pretty conservative, staunchly Roman Catholic (abortion is illegal), and crammed with tourists during the summer months. Still, after browsing through those apartment listings for a while, I find it hard to resist an Incredible Mr. Ripley-type fantasy of dozing off under a beach umbrella at my own Maltese villa with Volume II of Gibbon's Decline and Fall lying in the sand beside me. (Somehow all of my European fantasies involve reading Gibbon on the beach. Well, most of them, anyway.)