03 April 2003

Its odd the way I can be such a creature of habit. There are many things I only manage to do (like not lock myself out of the house) by establishing a rigid habit (in this case always transferring the entire contents of my pockets from one pair of pants to another at once, and always putting my left hand in my left pocket as I'm standing in a doorway). It makes me feel like I'm in memento sometimes, but it works. Anyway, sometimes it screws things up when you get into habits you don't want. I was just getting home and feeling really down again when I got home just like I did yesterday, despite feeling great when I was in the dept. And it hit me that this is because I spend the walk home thinking about basically the same depressing things every day and I have for most of the time I've been here... So what I need is some really good new habit to get into when I go home so that I won't keep making myself depressed at 5pm every day. Any suggestions? Perhaps I'll get an I-Pod for myself as a birthday present or something. It has to be something really engaging or else it won't be sufficiently distracting to break the bad habit.

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